The last few weeks have been so busy that I've not only neglected my blog, I've also neglected my writing. With only two and a half chapters of my first novel left to write I had ground to something of a halt - with work being busy, selling the flat, looking at new properties, keeping on top of my volunteering commitments, learning to knit and enjoying my jollies stateside it really was a case of 'not enough hours in the day'. I also had a bit of a wallop round the face with self-doubt. A moment where my heart was in my mouth and I felt unsure. Was what I was doing any good? Was I wasting my time? Did I have false delusions of grandeur?
Suffice to say after a few weeks of reflection the answers - I think! - are yes, no and no. I have returned to the writing and planned out the remaining chapters. I have set myself the target of the end of March to complete it - then I plan to print it all out and at some point over the Easter break sit down with several cups of tea (or glasses of vino?!) and read it through from start to finish with red pen firmly in hand. I think a little break and a bit of distance has given me the clarity to be even more sure about the kind of work I want to produce, and what my strengths and weaknesses as an author are.
I have a submission currently with an agent, and I have also entered a writing competition to gain backing for your first novel in Good Housekeepingmagazine so I haven't been completely resting on my laurels in the interim. I have also had an idea for my second novel - quite different to my first, a coming of age story about friendship based loosely on my experiences I had in my teens with one of my best friends, a boy called Tom who we sadly lost to leukaemia before his 21st birthday. We had many adventures together at an important time and I feel there is a comeplling story to be told there about a life beginning to blossom which does not bear fruition into adulthood but touches those left behind. I guess I really am a sentimental romantic at heart... but I still think of Tom a lot and I would like to find a fitting way to pay tribute to his character - hopefully with him as the inspiration for this story I can do just that. I'm going to try and sketch out what it might look like over the next few weeks.
I still have a huge passion to be creative and those of you who are interested can visit a website I have set up which includes some extracts from the first novel I am working on. I'm big enough and ugly enough to take any feedback and criticism so do feel free to share any thoughts. I'm well aware this will most probably end up as an indulgent hobby for me that won't result in anything actually being published - but the enjoyment comes from the crafting and the writing, so that's just fine for me!
I'm a little ashamed to see I've only blogged four times so far in February - a bit of a lame effort, but it has been quite a month so please forgive me. We've just come back from a week in New York which was just magical. The Boy and I have been lucky enough to have shared some great holidays together over the years and this one was right up there - sunny days making happy memories. My favourite kind.
It's also been pretty crazy on the moving front. As well as viewing lots of properties in Kent - and already experiencing angst when the ones we fall in love with are promptly sold! - our own flat is on the market and we've had some prospective buyers round. It's definitely a strange experience showing people round a flat you've lived in for a number of years and that you love. I feel defensive and protective of our beautiful home at every comment I perceive to be negative - but as with so many situations in life, it's about putting on my glazed PR smile and sucking up the nonsense in order to secure a positive outcome. I'm getting quite a lot of practice at this these days...!
I suppose it's started to hit me that we are leaving London. Don't get me wrong, this excites me and it is definitely the right time for us to make this move. But it means a chapter - a very significant chapter - of my life is ending. I've lived in London for over a decade, and had a mortgage on a flat in zone one (first Bermondsey, then Borough) since I was 25. I've built my career here, made lifelong friendships here, had my heart broken and fallen in love with my soulmate (the Boy, in case you were wondering!) here. I've done a lot of work on myself through therapy, then studying for a counselling diploma, and now seeing clients myself. I've found my independence, and I've found the key to happiness. I suppose, in that cliche, I've found myself here. Pockets of London are so familiar to me - I pound the pavements walking to work, to meet friends, to my volunteering placement every week... and it really is home. And I suppose because I prepare to leave London with such a positive outlook and in a happy and balanced frame of mind, it makes it a bit of a wrench on my heart.
There are so many thinks I love about London - the diversity of people I see on a daily basis as I go about my business; being able to walk to a fantastic theatre or see an exhibition at a tiny independent gallery nearby at just a moment's notice; living only 10 minutes walk from the South Bank and the attractions the river has to offer; being only a short train or tube journey away from Greenwich, Hampstead, Camden or Shoreditch; being able to enjoy a drink at a relaxed bar, or dine in an amazing restaurant at the drop of a hat; or being able to meet up with fellow London-based friends on a whim. I will miss this way of life, and while what replaces it will be just right for where we are now and where we want to be, the streets of London will always have a very special place in my heart.
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