Back from the brink

The Boy and I have just returned from a fantastic week in Santorini in Greece. We had an amazing time away from everything that weighs us down at home, and the trip did us both the world of good. It has been a difficult year for us so far - not just losing the baby but also the sad deaths of my uncle, colleague and former colleague to take on board - and I think we were both even more jaded and in need of a break than we had previously realised.

The island of Santorini is really beautiful and was everything I had hoped for and imagined. Lovely mountain top towns set into the rugged volcanic cliffs, gorgeous beaches, the dramatic caldera and a stunning array of white churches with blue domes at every turn - I think I took about a hundred photographs of the churches alone! It was the perfect place for us to take some time out and 'just be'.

We enjoyed some romantic nights in quiet Greek tavernas, as well as some more lively evenings (there were a couple of 5am returns home!) with the locals. We lay by the pool and on the black sand beach - reading, talking, snoozing, swimming together and generally enjoying each other's company. We had a few late starts, and also a couple of busier days when we toured the island's sights on quad bikes. That for me was the highlight of the trip - there was something very romantic and carefree about biking around the island together, taking in deserted beaches and watching the breath-taking sunsets over the caldera. I also really enjoyed the evenings out together - getting dressed up every evening to spend quality time with my beautiful husband was really lovely and I want to try and make sure we do more of this now we are back. We are a good team and we deserve special time together.

I've returned feeling refreshed and renewed, and - importantly - a little more accepting of what has happened and what we have lost. I realised while I was away that it's ok to feel sad about little baby Beans for as long as I need to, and it's ok for the Boy and I to talk about the baby as much as we want to. And I feel now that it really is ok to move forwards, so the Boy and I are beginning our quest to be parents again in earnest - I'm excited by the thought of that, and I don't feel scared to say that any more. I am of course aware that every pregnancy comes with its risk, but that doesn't frighten me now - that's life, it is what it is, and we have to go for what we want and chase our dreams. I feel we have every chance of a happier outcome and if our worst fears are realised once again, then I have a quiet confidence that we can cope and we can endure. So - watch this space, hopefully in the not too distant future there will be some exciting news to share again in these pages that have been so washed with heartache in recent times.