Desperado

Another working week is drawing to a close as I write this. Fridays generally make me happy, the thought of one last day in the office and then a glorious weekend and free time stretching ahead. And this weekend promises to be a belter as we are staying overnight with some of our best friends tonight at their new home in Chipperfield, and then Sunday brings the Apple Cart festival and the Charity Shield, when I shall of course be rooting for the mighty blues. It feels like it will be one of 'those' weekends - packed with happy times and special moments.

We started the day by arriving late to work; not the best plan when we hope to escape early to leave London town for the night, but it was for the best reasons - if you get my drift! A fun way to start the day, leaving us both a little ruffled but with big smiles on our faces. We're in the period of the month when we know it's a good time for the fun and games to possibly lead on to conception, and we tend to try and make the most of it. But in a light-hearted and fun way. It's dawned on me recently, just this week really, how important it is that we keep it that way, and that our dreams for a baby don't become desperation.

I've re-engaged with internet parenting and baby sites in the last few weeks and I've really noticed how sad and desperate some of the posters seem and how it appears that life will never be ok for them without having a child. While I can really empathise with the desires and the need to have a family - the Boy and I certainly want that, so of course I can relate - I am wary of becoming so enticed and obsessed with it that it overtakes my life and I forget how rich my existence is and how blessed I already am.

Some of the women on these sites seem to read every article about fertility and conception, and think of nothing else from dusk until dawn. What they do, what they eat, what they drink, what they weigh, what they wear, what they say... it all seems to be tied in to having a family.  I really don't want that to happen, although I can already imagine how easy it might be to start slipping down that road. I hope by talking to the Boy and putting fun plans in the diary with him I can keep an eye on this and just enjoy the trying, and remember how much joy I have in my life already and how lucky I am to be married to my soulmate and best friend.