Adam Croasdell: January 2012

Monday, January 30, 2012

CITY WALLPAPERS HD

CITY WALLPAPERS

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

NICE HD WALLPAPERS

Nice Wallpaper

The Boy and I have spent much of the last couple of weeks preparing to move - we've been to see financial advisers about mortgages, we've scouted out some homes in the village we want to move to, we've had an early Spring clean to dispose of unwanted items, and later this morning we are having the energy certificate done for our flat so we can go on the market. We should get the flat valuation done in the next few days as well and once that's done and we accept the valuation, we are all systems go. We're in a strong position and seemingly there is demand from both the housing association and the open market for buyers for flats in our development.

I feel a real mix of emotions as our days in London town begin to draw to a close. I've lived in London for over a decade, first renting for 18 months and then as a mortgage slave. I've had some real highs and lows in this city, but it is incredibly special to me.

In this flat, I have mostly happy memories. I bought it as a single, independent woman over five years ago and as soon as I moved in everything began to fall into place for me. A few weeks after I moved in I began volunteering at the bereavement charity in Kentish Town where I still work on a weekly basis, and within a matter of months I had begun the job where I still am now (the longest I've stayed in a job by far) and I had met the Boy. Hence the flat has always been filled with love and light, and people comment on the warm and happy atmosphere when they come round for the first time.

There have of course been sad times here for us - the losses of last year were cried out inside these walls - but for the most part I've been happy in this flat. The Boy and I have had some wild parties here, some decadent dinner parties, and some silly nights together just us two. So I feel a little sad leaving this beautiful flat behind, as we begin to prepare for what will be our next home. I hope those who follow us will be as happy as we've been - and I hope our new home will serve us just as well as this one.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

New beginnings

Earlier today I had my last appointment with the counsellor who I have been seeing about my anxiety issues. I don't like endings or saying goodbye so I normally dread these kind of occasions, but I was looking forward to the session because I feel in our short time together (our first session was on 1st December) I have made a great deal of progress - with his help.

When I started the sessions I felt anxious nearly all of the time. The heavy losses of 2011 had left me frightened and fragile, and I felt a nagging sense of impending doom and that another terrible thing was going to happen. I was worried something dreadful would happen to the Boy, I found it difficult to switch off and my sleep was haunted by gharish nightmares. In my session today we looked at a form I had filled in during my first session on my sense of well-being - looking at your sense of self, your relationships, your work and your lifestyle. It surprised me to see I had scored well below 50 per cent, but casting my mind back to then, that sounds like a fair assessment of my mood.

I didn't think my feelings would change - I wasn't aware that I could get back to the Elly Beans I had been before last year had taken its toll. In honesty, I thought that was it for me. That the shift to a more cautious, nervous and vulnerable person was a permanent one. Fortunately I was very wrong. Sometimes in life, exactly the right kind of experience comes along just when you need it, to help you along when you are struggling and to restore your faith in yourself and the human condition. And this is what happened for me. The counsellor I was referred to quickly grasped where my problems lay, and helped me work through what was causing me such distress and negative thoughts.

We had six sessions together over the last seven weeks - so not a great deal of time in the grand scheme of things - and I am amazed at what we have achieved. I feel completely different and now my scores on my well-being are much higher, around 90 per cent. I feel like I'm back in my own skin, that life has much to offer once again and I am no longer tormented by nightmares or visions of doom. The nerves have gone, the ship is steadied, and more often that not I feel genuinely good. There are of course some difficult moments and bad days, but the difference now is that everything is in perspective and this is normal - whatever that means! My brain in functioning in a balanced way again, and - touch wood - it seems the distorted and paranoid thoughts that so plagued me are a thing of the past. I feel confident that if my thoughts slide and become irregular again, I now have the resources within myself to stop the process and get back on track before it's too late.

It's a good feeling. I am happy in the here and now and I feel so strongly how blessed I am. I am able to stop in the moment and enjoy life again, and look around at the beautiful elements that surround me. Even though it's raining today, I feel light, warm and safe. I'm comfortable in my own skin again, and I'm reminded and aware that life has much joy to offer, as well as much pain.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Body clock

The Boy and I are now 18 days into 'dry January' and I'm still loving it. I've lost 8lbs in the last couple of weeks, which was well-needed as I was rather resembling a barrel after the Christmas and New Year excesses! My skin is the best it's been in months and I'm sleeping a steady eight-hour shift every night. Gone are the nightmares and night terrors that so haunted me last year, and sleep is no longer something to be frighened of - instead I welcome the clamber into bed and the easy slumber that follows. For that reason I haven't missed socialising or seeing friends in evenings at all. I feel much more relaxed, and the relief that I'm not always supposed to be somewhere, doing something and entertaining someone is pretty palpable.

I've noticed that while I haven't been drinking, my body clock has shifted slightly. I'm waking up much earlier than I would normally - around 6.30am seems to be the norm, even at weekends - and I am getting tired much earlier in the evening, I've often been asleep by 10pm in the last few weeks. I find this fascinating, as when I'm out and about, socialising and drinking, my routine is very different. I won't go to bed until midnight and I set my alarm for later - 7.30/8am. It seems left to my own devices and my body's natural rhythms I am, as much as this surprises me, 'a morning person' and not the proverbial 'night owl'.

I wonder if that's why I sometimes get so worn out and stressed - because I'm constantly resisting and trying to change what my body wants to do. It's worth bearing in mind at any rate when life inevitably becomes busier again from February. Right now I'm getting so much done with the extra time which is really great - this weekend I managed to get even more writing done (I only have two chapters left to write now!) and I had a great clearout of our bedroom, sorting some bags of clothes for charity, and finding some bits for ebay. I spent a few painful hours uploading items to sell onto the ebay site, but it seems my efforts were worth it as the items are mostly under offer now.

And extra pennies will be welcome at this time. The Boy and I are in 'moving' mode again. I have slight deju vu (!) but we're in a far stronger position than we were financially this time last year, when we were trying to finance a move to the Charlton/Greenwich area. We've decided to leave the big smoke behind - a big step for me having lived in London for more than a decade and having owned flats here for over eight years. But it's the right time now. We've identified a village in Kent as our ideal place to move to - 10 minutes from my parents and around 40 minutes from the Boy's family, and we were given a mortgage in principle agreement from the Boy's bank yesterday for far more than we want to borrow - so far the signs are good. The next step is to get our place valued and on the market.

It all feels exciting - if a little scary when you look at the figures in black and white - and I am really proud of the Boy and I, and the work we've put into making ourselves financially strong and solid, and enabling this move to happen. Fingers crossed all continues to go well. Few piccies of Otford below...

Sunday, January 15, 2012

ANDROID WALLPAPERS

ANDROID WALLPAPER

ANDROID WALLPAPERS

ANDROID WALLPAPER